“My story is not their story.”
The other day, after an exhilarating cycling class, I was talking to a dear friend about the paths our lives take, and about how each of us is living out a different story.
There’s a very real danger, especially when we’re constantly exposed to others’ social media “highlight reels,” in becoming so sidetracked by the trajectory of others’ stories that we lose sight of our own.
We play the comparison game – the one we’ve been playing since junior high or before, where we group ourselves into factions based on preference and secretly feel slighted because we don’t have Her Popularity or His Athleticism or Her Intelligence or His Wealth, and unwittingly, we carry that into adulthood if we are not careful.
But we cannot be the main character of our own story if our eyes are constantly on someone else’s.
So if this is a struggle for you – it can be for me! – repeat after me:
“My story is not their story.”
In the conversation with my friend, I told her it helps me, as a mom of girls, to imagine this as Disney princesses.
Mulan could not be the main character of Cinderella’s story. She would show up at the ball looking for a chance to take out some Huns; she would not be interested in a ball gown, much less a glass slipper; and even if she ended up with the handsome prince, she would be terribly unhappy and unfulfilled.
Why? Because Mulan wasn’t meant to live out Cinderella’s story; Cinderella was.
Let’s look at superheroes: Hulk could not be the main character in Spider-Man’s story. He would knock down buildings instead of scaling them; his temper would block his spidey senses; he could not accomplish the things he accomplishes as Hulk whilst trying to live out Spider-Man’s specific assignments.
Because Hulk has his own story with his own plot and his own side characters.
Why does this matter? So glad you asked.
Whether you are a kid or a grown-up, you need to know that you’ll live your best life when you focus on being the main character of your own story, not someone else’s; when you work on keeping your feet on your own path, not wondering how they would navigate someone else’s; when you stop comparing your plotline with theirs, because that’s not how it’s supposed to work.
Yes − that young lady is rocking her time in that sport right now. Be inspired!
Yes − that gal on Instagram sure knows how to decorate a house! Put down your phone, remember that social media only tells part of the story, and throw in a load of laundry!
Yes – your co-worker is experiencing so much fruitfulness in their career at this point. Cheer her on and keep working hard!
The more time you spend wondering why your story doesn’t look exactly like someone else’s, the more of your own story you’re missing out on. So if it helps… just stop looking.
Your story is good, too, because it’s YOU. There are characters in your story who are depending on you to inspire and teach and lead them; to help them through a rough spot. There are characters in your story waiting to take your hand and lead you, to help you navigate the waters that feel rough right now.
They’re here for YOU, not that other person.
You don’t need their house, their hair, their job, their clothes.
You don’t need their physique, their gifts, their income.
Figure out where you are. Focus on the path in front of you. Cheer for your supporting cast and figure out how to encourage them from where you are. And if you’re not happy with where your story is right now, remember that every narrative has plot twists. Navigate them with integrity and keep moving.
Your story is your story, and you only get one. Be present for it.
Abbey Roy is a mom of three girls who make every day an adventure. She writes to maintain her sanity. You can probably reach her at amroy@nncogannett.com, but responses are structured around bedtimes and weekends.
This article originally appeared on Newark Advocate: Own your story, not someone else’s | Abbey’s Road
Reporting by Abbey Roy, Newark Advocate / Newark Advocate
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
