This “Search and Rescue” story was told June 2 as part of Tell It Like It Is: Iowa Storytellers Project, funded by the Hoyt Sherman Place Foundation in partnership with the Des Moines Register. These stories can be republished by any Iowa newspaper. The next storytellers event is “Voyages” on Sept. 29. If you have a story to tell for that event, reach out at stories@hoytsherman.org by July 20.
Al Burns as told to Kim Norvell
Sometimes, it’s amazing how lives can intertwine.
This story began about 25 years ago. I met Nick through a school program in 2001 when he was 7 years old, and starting second grade. The purpose of the program was to match high-risk kids with mentors. I was recruited for the program by Deb Snider, the principal of Eason Elementary School.
I’d meet with Nick at the school, which was only a few blocks from me, for an hour once a week. We’d just talk, or sometimes play ball. He was a little shy at first, but quickly warmed up to me. He smiled a lot, which let me know he appreciated me. This went on for two years.
When Nick was 9, on the last day of school, he told me they were moving, so he would be going to a different school that didn’t have a mentoring program. He said, “So, I guess after today I’ll never see you again.” Then, he bowed his head.
I remember thinking, “Don’t write checks you can’t cash. Don’t write checks you can’t cash.”
But I also thought, “This kid is special, He’s warm and loving. What can I do? He deserves a mentor.”
The words that came out were “Nick, I promise you’ll see me again.”
He looked up at me, smiled, and said “Really?” I said “Really.” We said goodbye for the summer.
As I drove home, I was thinking, “Now, what am I going to do?” I called Deb Snider and told her what I had done. She said to leave it to her. She called me back about an hour later, and said it was all set. De Soto Elementary was going to start a mentoring program, with one student and one mentor.
The next school year, I began to visit Nick once a week in De Soto. These visits with Nick continued for two years, until Nick finished the fifth grade.
When Nick began sixth grade, there was no school mentoring program. But by then he was old enough that his mom was comfortable with a single man spending time alone with her preadolescent son. I’d pick Nick up at his home once a week and we’d hang out. We’d go to Subway and get sandwiches, then sometimes get ice cream.
In 2006, I met Sue on Match.com. We’d only known each other for a few months when we went to a winter holiday party. I was pretty sold on her, but she was still trying to make up her mind about me.
We ran into Nick’s former school guidance counselor, Cami. We chatted for a minute, then she started to walk away. She stopped and turned back. She said, “You made a real difference in Nick’s life. Things were very unstable for him, and you were the only one he felt he could count on. He looked forward to your visits. I just thought you should know.”
I thanked her, and she walked away. I started to cry. Sue looked at me like she never had before and threw her arms around me. We cried together.
Sometime later, she told me that was the moment when she decided that I was the real deal. We got married 15 months later. If I hadn’t met Nick, I don’t know whether I would have been able to persuade Sue to marry me.
As Nick grew older, we expanded our activities. We’d go bowling, play disc golf, throw a frisbee, or maybe shoot pool. Of course, we’d still get Subway sandwiches and ice cream.
I attended almost all his sporting events, starting in seventh grade. When he got his learner’s permit, at age 14, I’d let him practice driving, while I sat in the passenger seat to coach him.
I started including him in activities with my kids. He’d come to my Fourth of July parties and spend the day. In 2009, I took him to Orlando with my sons. He was really interested in track, so when he was a sophomore, I hired a personal trainer for Nick and my son, Ryan, who was the same age. They grew to be great friends.
In February of 2012, during Nick’s senior year, he called me one evening and said “Mom threw me out. Can I come and live and with you?” Sometimes, you can tell a person is at the end of their rope. That’s how Nick sounded.
Fortunately, Sue had gotten to know Nick very well and had already volunteered that if Nick ever needed a place to live, he could move in with us. So, I had the pleasure of being able to answer Nick, without hesitation, with “Sure! When?” He said “Tomorrow?” and I said “Sure. We’ll get your room ready.”
The next day, his buddies helped him load up most of his possessions into the back of a pickup, and he moved in for the rest of his senior year in high school.
I hadn’t told Ryan that Nick was coming to live with us. When he came over, I told him that Nick was moving in. I asked if he was upset with me and, in an exasperated tone of voice and an eye roll, he asked, “Dad, why would I be upset with you?”
Both Sue and I grew much closer to Nick. In fact, around the time he headed off to college, we acknowledged that the relationship had grown to the point that we thought of him as our son, and he thought of us as his parents.
Now it feels like it’s always been like that.
Eighteen years after meeting that playful little boy in elementary school, we decided it was time to make a public declaration of our love for Nick. We also thought that it would help him to feel more stability, more loved. We formalized that relationship on April 1, 2019, when we legally adopted Nick at age 25 as our son. There were joyful feelings all around. In fact, the judge who presided over the hearing remarked that he seldom got the chance to create a family.
It was a happy day for the court.
A few years ago, I started running a low grade fever. I went to urgent care and they ran a blood test. The doctor told me that my creatine was a bit high, but that it was probably nothing.
I went back two days later and this time, the doctor said that I was to take the sheet of paper he handed me to the ER, where I would be admitted because I was having kidney failure.
My kidneys failed completely two days later. To say I was shocked and frightened would be an understatement.
After I went on dialysis, it became apparent that if I were to have a decent quality of life, I was going to need a kidney transplant. Sue immediately volunteered to donate a kidney. However, the testing revealed that she had a cyst in her abdomen that needed to be removed. She underwent surgery and learned that there was a tumor inside the cyst. The tumor was precancerous, and almost certainly would have developed into cancer that would have been fatal had she not had it removed.
My kidney failure saved Sue’s life. That’s the damned best trade I’ve ever made.
That year, Nick gave us a can of kidney beans for Christmas and a letter. The letter said that he had gone through all of the tests and had been cleared to give me a kidney on April 1.
It said, “This date has a lot of meaning for me because it the anniversary of the day you adopted me. You gave me a new life, so it is only fitting that I return the favor.”
It was the best Christmas present of my life. Sue and I wept with joy and relief.
The surgery was rescheduled, so I received Nick’s kidney on March 8, 2024.
Thanks to Nick, I have a new life. I’m so thankful he’s in it. I’m delighted that he and his wife have given me two grandchildren, so far. I look forward to many years ahead with him.
Sometimes, it’s amazing how lives can intertwine. For many years, I thought I was rescuing Nick. It turns out, he was the one who rescued me.
This article originally appeared on Des Moines Register: Sometimes it’s hard to tell who is rescuing who
Reporting by Des Moines Register / Des Moines Register
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
By Des Moines Register | USA TODAY Network
