CONNECTING CALIFORNIA PRESS OFFICE ON X: HELLO. IT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLUMNIST, JOE MATHEWS. EVEN MORE POPULAR THAN KPOP DEMON HUNTERS. MY WORK IS FIRE. WHICH IS WHY I’M HERE TO SCHOOL ALL CALIFORNIANS. ESPECIALLY YOU, GOVERNOR GOOF-BALL, ABOUT WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO FIGHT “FIRE WITH FIRE.” YOU SAY “FIGHTING FIRE” IS YOUR ESSENTIAL STRATEGY FOR STOPPING DONALD “LITTLE HANDS” TRUMP. YOU THINK “FIRE WITH FIRE” MEANS WISE-ASS IMITATION. LIKE MIMICKING THE ASININE ALL-CAPS SOCIAL MEDIA RANTS OF AMERICA’S AUTHORITARIAN AUTOCRAT. C’MON, DUDE. EVEN A LOW-LIFE JOURNALIST CAN PULL OFF PARODY LIKE THAT. THE IDEA THAT YOU ARE MATCHING THE DON BLOW FOR BLOW IS THE WORLD’S WORST JOKE!!!!!! TRUMP THE TERRIBLE IS VIOLATING LAW AND CONSTITUTION WHILE WAGING WAR AGAINST EVERY ELEMENT OF DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY. PRESS, SCHOOLS, NGOS, ELECTION WORKERS, STATES. HE’S GOT THE FBI RAIDING POLITICAL ENEMIES. HE ESTABLISHED HIS OWN SECRET POLICE FORCE. AND YOU, GAVIN C (C IS NOT FOR COURAGE) NEWSOM, RESPOND TO THE URGENT NEED TO STOP TRUMP RIGHT DAMN NOW BY ASKING US TO WAIT. YOUR SPECIAL ELECTION TO ESTABLISH YOUR “BEAUTIFUL” DEMOCRAT-BIASED MAPS WON’T HAPPEN FOR THREE MONTHS! AND THE DISTRICTS WON’T BE USED UNTIL ANOTHER ELECTION 15 MONTHS FROM NOW, IN NOVEMBER 2026! ALL THIS FOR TWO ELECTIONS, IN THE VAGUE HOPE THAT YOU MIGHT “END THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY” BY VOTING IN A NARROW MAJORITY OF DEMOCRATS TO TAKE OVER THE HOUSE IN JANUARY 2027. HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO WORK? D.C. DEMOCRATS ARE EVEN LESS COURAGEOUS THAN YOU, AND TRUMP ISN’T GOING TO STOP BEING A DICTATOR BECAUSE OF ONE HOUSE OF CONGRESS, ESPECIALLY WITH THE SUPREME COURT BACKING HIM UP. GREAT PLAN, GCN! TRUMP DESTROYS DEMOCRACY NOW, WHILE YOU THINK BIG THOUGHTS TIL JANUARY 2027. HERE’S WHAT ACTUAL FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE WOULD LOOK LIKE: • COERCE THE STATE BAR CANCEL THE CALIFORNIA LAW LICENSE OF EVERY SINGLE ATTORNEY AT ONCE-PROUD (NOW TRUMP-LACKEY) L.A. LAW FIRM OF LATHAM & WATKINS—AND AT ALL THE OTHER FIRMS THAT MADE DEALS WITH TRUMP. • CREATE YOUR OWN SECRET POLICE TO ARREST ABUSIVE FEDERAL HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICERS. AFTER THE ARRESTS, WAIT SEVERAL DAYS [EB1] UNTIL YOU LET THE FEDS CALL LAWYERS. THEN, DEPORT THEM TO NORTH KOREA. • SHUT DOWN MAGA-SYMPATHIZING UNIVERSITIES—PEPPERDINE, CLAREMONT MCKENNA, POINT LOMA NAZARENE, THOMAS AQUINAS COLLEGE—AND ONLY LET THEM REOPEN ONCE THEY’VE PAID THE STATE $500 MILLION EACH. • PUT A $50 BILLION “COLLABORATOR TAX” ON META, INTEL, NVIDIA, AND OTHER TECH COMPANIES THAT ASSIST TRUMP. • BAN TRUMP VOTERS FROM MEN’S SPORTS. • SEIZE THE TRUMP NATIONAL GOLF CLUB PROPERTY IN PALOS VERDES. ESTABLISH A “TRUMP DUMP” DETENTION CENTER THERE FOR ANTI-VAX ACTIVISTS, TECH BROS, AND ICE AGENTS. IGNORE JUDICIAL RULINGS THAT MIGHT STOP YOU. • SEND THE CALIFORNIA NATIONAL GUARD TO OCCUPY HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA’S LEADING ANTI-MAGA LOCALITY. VIOLATE HUMAN RIGHTS! EXTORT BILLIONS! PUNISH YOUR ENEMIES! EVISCERATE DEMOCRACY TO SAVE DEMOCRACY! ALL THIS MUST BE NEXT, IF YOU’RE REALLY FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE. I HAVE SOME DOUBTS ABOUT THE WISDOM OF “FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE.” SO YOU AND YOUR OVERCAFFEINATED COMMS TEAM WILL SOON ACCUSE ME OF “PEARL-CLUTCHING” OR “UNILATERAL DISARMAMENT.” I WONDER IF YOU GUYS EVER READ SHAKESPEARE’S “KING JOHN.” THIS PLAY IS WHERE “FIRE WITH FIRE” ORIGINATED. FRANCE DEMANDS JOHN SURRENDER THE ENGLISH THRONE, AND JOHN’S ALLY, RICHARD I’s BASTARD SON, TELLS THE KING TO ANSWER THE FRENCH FIRE WITH HIS OWN: Be stirring as the time; be fire with fire;Threaten the threat’ner… JOHN FIGHTS FIRE WITH FIRE. HE STARTS A WAR WITH FRANCE. BUT THE CONFLICT BURNS OUT OF CONTROL, DRAWING IN EUROPE, THEN THE POPE. EVENTUALLY, JOHN LOSES THE WAR AND IS POISONED TO DEATH. GAV, HOPE YOU’RE NOT TOO BURNED OUT TO CATCH THE LESSON FROM THE ENGLISH-SPEAKING WORLD’S GREATEST WRITER (UNTIL THIS COLUMNIST’S BIRTH!!!). DITCH “FIRE WITH FIRE,” AND FIND A DIFFERENT STRATEGY FOR FIGHTING TRUMP, SOMETHING THAT WON’T DESTROY YOUR STATE. OR YOU
JOE MATHEWS WRITES THE CONNECTING CALIFORNIA COLUMN FOR ZÓCALO PUBLIC SQUARE, AND IS FOUNDER-PUBLISHER OF DEMOCRACY LOCAL.
This article originally appeared on Ventura County Star: Mathews: “FIRE WITH FIRE” IS NOT A STRATEGY, GAV
Reporting by Joe Mathews / Ventura County Star
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