This year’s Pride Month marks three years since I fully acknowledged my identity as a transgender woman. Since transitioning, I’ve grown into a happier, healthier and more self-assured person.
One of the less obvious benefits of transitioning I’ve noticed is a unique sense of self-realization.
Everyone undergoes identity formation during adolescence, as the many elements informing one’s sense of self are realized. When someone is a teenager, they may discover interests, personal values and goals for the future. While these convictions often change over time, their initial development in adolescence provides a solid foundation for the future.
Compared to my cisgender peers, I missed out on this. I felt no connection to any specific values, interests or goals until I was halfway through university, and finally comfortable with my gender identity. In hindsight, I understand that my teenage identity formation, in its traditional sense, was replaced by an intense and deeply personal battle of gender discovery.
Self-acceptance came only after years of doubt
It took years after I first thought I could be transgender to fully embrace my identity. I talked to myself in the mirror, my mind constantly repeating that I “wasn’t trans enough” or that my transness was just a fantasy. I suffered immense gender dysphoria as the features associated with my assigned sex at birth reared their heads, creating doubts that I could ever see myself as a girl. I used the time typically spent finding one’s sense of self fighting to overcome my fear of self-acceptance.
The doubts I faced in my youth did not exist in a vacuum. In all walks of life, there are trans people who struggle with these very same battles, demonstrating how pervasive these doubts are within our cis-normative society.
From identification documents tied to assigned gender at birth, the lack of transgender voices in the media, and even the language we speak, the assumption that gender is binary and unchanging is deeply ingrained. The most effective way to acknowledge these buried assumptions within us is to interact with members of the transgender community and hear their stories.
I had to learn to trust myself
In the suburbs of metro Detroit, I was never exposed to the concept of transitioning. Combined with an environment that reinforced traditional gender norms and expectations, the concept of gender transition never entered my mind. I did not have the language to label gender dysphoria as the distress and shame caused by my masculinizing body. Only in high school was I finally aware transitioning was possible, but all the self-doubt of a young trans girl afraid of her truth stopped me from acting on it.
Ultimately, the primary roadblock stopping me from coming out and transitioning was not familial rejection, or fear of isolation, but the lack of trust in myself that this was the right decision. Before I could internalize the beauty of my transness, I had to deconstruct my internalized transphobia.
After a long time clinging to the doubt, I wasn’t getting any happier, and the idea of transition still lingered in my mind. Eventually, I took a leap of faith and acknowledged the possibility I could be transgender, taking the first baby step of many. I started wearing feminine clothing and cycling through names to build the necessary trust in myself to transition. The euphoria of experiencing what life could look like as a woman overshadowed the lingering doubts I still had, and I decided to start coming out as transgender to those closest to me.
Trans advocacy helped me build a future
While coming out to everyone in my life was a slow process, I knew one thing for certain: Other trans youth should not have to go through the same crippling distrust in their identity. Inspired by this realization, I dove into advocacy and joined the leadership of my university’s transgender student advocacy organization.
As I worked to uplift other transgender youth who similarly struggled to conceptualize their identities, I began forming a clear set of values to live by. I became inspired to fight for systemic reform on a larger level and start organizing in politics after I advocated for institutional change at my university. Transgender activism taught me how to put my values into action and build a future I can be excited for.
While my transition overtook the identity formation I would otherwise experience in adolescence, many trans people will not share these experiences. But in our society that continues to center cisgender identity as the norm, pursuing a transition despite the internalized self-doubt and the hardship that may come is an act of resilience and a conscious decision to embrace the joys of living authentically.
Despite the passions and values I’ve already found, there’s still so much of myself to discover. In the meantime, I cherish the freedom to chase the unknown in a body I can happily grow old in.
Lyra Opalikhin is a metro Detroit community organizer. Submit a letter to the editor at freep.com/letters, and we may publish it online and in print. If you have a differing view from a letter writer, please feel free to submit a letter of your own in response.
This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Understanding trans people starts with listening to us | Opinion
Reporting by Lyra Opalikhin, Op-ed contributor / Detroit Free Press
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
By Lyra Opalikhin, Op-ed contributor | USA TODAY Network
