I’m glad that President Donald Trump has begun explaining the new “Golden Age” of America in granular form.
Sure, it’s all well and good to make a general proclamation that electing Trump means America will be experiencing joy and prosperity on a level like never before. But what does that mean? We need specifics.
Trump supplied some of those specifics this past week. I found them to be, well, surprising.
It turns out that creating a better America doesn’t have to do with addressing the widening wealth gap, the predatory health-care system, or the looting of public education.
And it certainly doesn’t have to do with avoiding foolish, destructive trade wars.
It’s all about getting our bratty kids to expect fewer toys and office supplies as gifts. Apparently, the key to a better, more golden America, is in their clammy little hands.
“I don’t think that a beautiful baby girl needs, that’s 11 years old — needs to have 30 dolls,” Trump said. “They don’t need to have 30 dolls. They can have three.
“They don’t need to have 250 pencils,” Trump continued. “They can have five.”
Trump didn’t explain why the “beautiful baby girls” need 250 pencils. Or for that matter, why anyone needs 250 pencils.
Also, why specifically are five pencils enough? At the risk of being accused of being woke and beholden to the values of diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), if the pencils are colored ones, having just five of seems a little racist. You’re excluding way too many shades.
Too. Many. Pencils.
Whatever the case, it’s good to get President Trump to spell out the first steps needed to put this county on its golden path.
Get the kids to quit wanting hundreds of pencils. And we shouldn’t just blame the kids.
I inventoried my desk drawer at home and was shocked to find 31 brand new, unsharpened Ticonderoga No. 2 pencils there.
That’s way too many pencils for me. The only use I have for a pencil is to make a mark on a wall when I’m using a drill to hang a picture frame.
And those 31 pencils I have aren’t even good for that, because I don’t have a pencil sharpener to make their graphite ends operational.
But even my over-consumption of pencils at 31 puts me 219 pencils shy of the average kid level of too many pencils.
First, pencils. Then rulers, paper clips, toner cartridges.
What are America’s youth doing with all these pencils? Is this some gateway addiction that will one day lead to wanting to accumulate stockpiles of rulers, toner cartridges and paper clips?
Who knows? Maybe it has national security implications on our Southern Border, a sign that the staple-gun armed OfficeMex Cartel is feeding our youth this little-understood addiction to graphite?
Or maybe our beautiful baby boys are using all these extra pencils to sadistically stab at the 30 dolls their sisters got as gifts?
I know what you’re thinking: What parent gives their daughter 30 dolls?
The answer: The one with the 250 pencils wrapped under the Christmas tree.
At least now we know the first step in ushering in America’s golden age.
Frank Cerabino is a news columnist with The Palm Beach Post, which is part of the USA Today Network-Florida. He can be reached at FCerabino@pbpost.com
This article originally appeared on Palm Beach Post: Why do America’s children want hundreds of pencils? Trump attacks eraser culture | Opinion
Reporting by Frank Cerabino, Palm Beach Post / Palm Beach Post
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
