The anniversary date of the death of someone we love is almost always difficult. The first anniversary is especially painful for many and the feelings in anticipation of it can be as difficult if not more so than the actual anniversary day itself.
When the death anniversary involves a traumatic death, the difficulty is multiplied.
It has been a year to the day since Robert Morales of Tallahassee, and Tiru Chabba of Greenville, South Carolina, were killed at the FSU Student Union on April 17, 2025.
Five students were injured that day, and thousands of students were forever changed by this event, one of the all-too-common mass shootings on school campuses in America. It is a day our community will always remember.
But those who are trying the hardest to forget the saddest day of their lives are the ones for whom the reminders are the most painful.
Every time the shooter’s trial is delayed or there are updates regarding the case in the news, or evidence is mistakenly released, those who are grieving the empty chair at the table each day are wounded yet again.
What FSU widow wants the world to know about Robert, who was taken by cruelty
My dear friend, Betty Morales, who misses her husband terribly and is doing all she can to normalize life for their daughter, who was a daddy’s girl, is juggling so many important matters.
The most perplexing may be the ways in which this horrific occurrence has challenged her own sense of goodness in the world and in her heart. Those who know Betty agree she is remarkably positive and oriented toward others, and much of that spirit, Betty says, was buoyed by her husband, Robert.
As Betty comes to the anniversary date of her husband’s death, she wants most for people to know the husband and partner she so dearly misses. And the incredible father he was to their daughter. And these are a few things more she wants you to know about him:
Robert was kind, funny, smart, loyal, principled, faithful, helpful, measured, disciplined, calm, consistent, courageous, strategic, resilient, strong, and loving.
Robert’s “family” was his priority, including his strong mother who reared him and for whom he cared until her death, his extended family in Miami, including his cousin, Patty Swain, who was like a sister, his beloved wife and daughter, his childhood friends whom he influenced greatly, the youth he coached and the coaches with whom he worked, his staff in the restaurants he managed as well as his faithful customers, the students he served, and the friends he made among staff and patients in his organ donation journey.
Robert believed that good things happen when you associate yourself with good people, and he felt blessed to have so many good people in his life.
Robert was generous with his resources, his time, and his talents.
He cooked for so many fundraisers, for people who could not afford to eat, for students he coached who were hungry, and for special community events.
He believed that feeding people is a way we love them and was never reserved about using his culinary skills to delight and sustain others. His legacy, beyond his prowess in the kitchen, was his kindness and generosity to all always.
Betty says without hesitation that her husband was not perfect, and of course no one is. But he was a good man who believed in doing the right thing and helping those in need.
He worked for social justice, and he fought for his health with remarkable tenacity for the sake of his family. He inspired others by his strength and always his kindness.
Betty expresses gratitude for a community that showed up – and stayed after FSU shooting
Betty also wants to thank the many people in the community and beyond who showed up and stepped up to support her and her daughter.
Though Robert’s name was not released publicly until that Friday, when I arrived at Betty’s house on Thursday afternoon, April 17, the street was lined with the cars of friends and colleagues who had somehow learned of his death and wanted to support his family.
Betty recalls how grateful her own mother was to see the outpouring of love and support the community was showing her daughter and granddaughter. Betty’s brokenhearted mother told her daughter how much it meant to her to see the difference that Betty had made in the world that so many people would come to her in her hour of need.
Betty’s mother expressed confidence in Betty that she was going to make it, a word that Betty needed to hear, and her mother needed to feel.
Betty will never forget the kindness of those who came to comfort her and lend their support both physically and financially. It was exactly what Robert would have done for a friend.
Betty wants to thank her colleagues at TMH ICU where she works in organ donation, for the remarkable care they showed to the shooting victims that day.
Betty imagines that it had to be beyond difficult with the chaos of so many wounded coming into the hospital at once, and she is inspired by her teammates and their professionalism in the difficult work they face in the intensive care they provide.
And Betty wants to thank FSU for the remarkable support and care that she and her daughter have felt, and especially from Kyle Clark, Senior Vice President for Finance and Administration, who from the moment Robert was identified stood by Betty and her daughter, making himself available as they sorted through the immediate decisions and as they continue to address concerns.
Tragic timing and a testimony to the truth
In a year’s time, Betty and her daughter have faced many challenges. From those we all might imagine, to tender concerns, like Betty, who has devoted several decades of her career to helping people die comfortably with hospice services, lamenting the cruelty of her own husband’s death.
Or the tragic timing, that just as Robert was turning a corner regarding his own health, and the possibility of going back on the registry for a donated kidney, he was needlessly killed.
But they have also experienced the amazing grace of people who love them and have not retreated from caring for them in the many ways they need support. Like a text of “I love you” or an invitation to an event. Or a story about Robert to boost their spirits. Or the promise of looking into organ donation as a tribute to Robert.
There is a thin line between grief and gratitude.
And this anniversary date is a testimony to that truth. There has been a year of grief and unbelievable sorrow.
But for every loss remembered, there is deep gratitude for the ways in which Robert blessed his wife, daughter and family, and his community of friends, neighbors, and colleagues.
I pray we all will find a way to bring kindness to the lives of others on this sad day in memory of Robert and in love for his beloved wife and daughter.
The Rev. Candace McKibben is an ordained minister and pastor of Tallahassee Fellowship.
This article originally appeared on Tallahassee Democrat: A thin line between grief, gratitude: A widow’s plea to remember Robert Morales
Reporting by Rev. Candace McKibben, Tallahassee Democrat columnist / Tallahassee Democrat
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