The advertisements get me every year.
Dads seem to be relegated to nothing more than barbecue supplies, beer or whiskey glasses and lawn tools when it comes to Father’s Day gift ideas. As if it is not bad enough that we seem to pigeonhole dads into those particular gift categories when dads are wildly different with various interests outside of those three arenas, the idea of Father’s Day in general makes me upset.
Father’s Day should be a celebration of dads and all they do. Dads should get a day to feel the love. I don’t have an issue with any of that. But that doesn’t mean the day is easy for everyone.
Father’s Day is complicated in our house, just as it may be in yours. The holiday can be complicated for so many reasons, whether it’s the fact you’ve lost your dad, as in our case: The father of my child is no longer here. Maybe you’re estranged from your own father, or never even knew your dad. Maybe your own dad wasn’t much of a dad at all.
My son lost his father when he was just 9 years old, and not a day goes by in which I don’t think about all they both have missed out on. My husband loved being a dad — teaching our son how to ride a bike, how to use a hammer, how to be a good human. And while I’m remarried, I think about all the experiences my son has simply missed out on not having his own father around. All the questions he will never get answers to, all the moments that simply passed him by.
The hardest days for my son and me are the anniversary of his father’s death, his father’s birthday and for me, our wedding anniversary. Those are the days where the air is a bit heavier, we dread the days leading up to the date on the calendar, and we think about all he’s missing out on, all that we’ve missed out on. But we do what we can to get through it.
The thing about Father’s Day is that it’s everywhere. Those other significant dates for us — January 14, April 10, April 26 — those aren’t big days on anyone else’s calendar but ours. So when the Father’s Day advertisements start on television, radio and social media, we can’t escape. My inbox, eyes and ears are flooded with Father’s Day messages and reminders from businesses and corporations that have no idea how hard it is for me, how hard it is for my son. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just what it is.
“Aren’t you used to it by now?” someone asked me recently. My answer was simple: You never get used it.
While the day is difficult for us, I do think about how lucky we are that we have so many great men in our life who have taken on roles no one asked them to do. Many men take on these roles and they may not be my son’s dad, they may not be the father of children at all, but they deserved to be recognized.
Like those who have shown up to take my son to sporting events, to concerts and out for ice cream just because.
Those who invite the neighborhood kids over to shoot hoops, play a game of tag in the yard or help the kids learn to ride bikes.
To the bonus dads and uncles who take young girls to the father-daughter dances or dress up for tea because their own fathers cannot, hats off to you!
Those men who raise someone else’s children like their own — I see you!
So to all the dads out there, I hope you feel the love this Father’s Day. To the men who show up and help out — thank you. And to anyone who feels like sitting this Father’s Day out? That’s OK too, you have plenty of company.
Rachel Brougham is the former assistant editor of the Petoskey News-Review. You can email her at racheldbrougham@gmail.com.
This article originally appeared on The Petoskey News-Review: When Father’s Day is complicated | Opinion
Reporting by Rachel Brougham, Community Columnist / The Petoskey News-Review
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By Rachel Brougham, Community Columnist | USA TODAY Network
