Golf spelled backward is flog. And doesn’t Rob Lowe know it.
“Anybody got any golf tips for me?” Lowe asked as he walked from the seventh green to the No. 8 tee at Muirfield Village Golf Club during the Memorial Tournament’s Workday Golden Bear pro-am June 3.
Here’s my tip for Mr. Lowe: “Take two weeks off from the game, then quit it entirely.”
Rim shot, please.
Lowe learned the hard way, again, that attempting to play golf is not for the faint of heart. Actually, it’s not for any heart, given the stress it puts on the pumper.
Exhibit A: Lowe, who played in the same group with his former “Parks and Recreation” castmate, Chris Pratt, hit a decent drive at the par-4 ninth hole at MVGC, but the ball nestled into 4-inch deep rough that resembled the bamboo jungles of Borneo. Lowe hacked out sideways – “That’s all you can do,” he said, turning to the huge gallery – and then things really went downhill. Literally.
Lowe’s next shot was a ground ball to shortstop. Unfortunately, Pratt wasn’t wearing a baseball glove. The “Guardians of the Galaxy” star was, however, dancing in the fairway as Lowe swung away, which is a no-no even for a Star-Lord. The ball whizzed past without crippling anyone.
“Sorry, buddy, I messed up,” Pratt said.
Hollywood stars learn hard way that golf is not easy
He absolutely did, but not as badly as Lowe, who dunked his fourth shot into the pond in front of the green.
I stopped watching after that, too painful, as I sympathized, “I’ve been there, brother.”
I don’t mean to make fun of Lowe as much as stress that a) golf is hard, and b) PGA Tour players make it look easy.
As for hard, Peyton Manning ranks among the greatest quarterbacks in NFL history. Anthony Gonzalez, who played with Manning in the NFL, is a former Ohio State wide receiver whose acrobatic catches still show up on OSU-Michigan highlight reels. The two buddies teamed up at the pro-am, yet despite their athletic talent, they at times hit shots that looked like someone playing miniature golf with a telephone pole.
Let’s pick things up at No. 8, a par-3 where Manning hit a nice shot that landed on the green, only to see the ball barely roll into the rough. Uh-oh. His wedged chip flew past the pin onto the fringe across the green, and his first putt was … not great.
Flog.
Gonzo hit his teeshot into the bunker, which – to his dismay – was filled with sand. His next shot was really good, until it wasn’t. That’s golf at Muirfield Village. He picked up his ball without finishing the hole.
Not to be outdone, two groups later, Pratt chunked his tee shot at No. 8, letting out an “Oh, no.” I’ve heard worse.
The thing is, Pratt, Lowe, Manning and many of the other celebs who whacked their way through 18 holes, including country music star Luke Bryan, are better-than-average golfers. But this golf course turns low-handicappers into high-handicappers and high-handicappers into tennis players.
Which brings me back to tour players making the game look easy. While Pratt and Lowe were digging ditches into the manicured turf, three-time major championship winner Jordan Spieth was hitting greens in regulation and making putts. In other words, the best way to determine how exceptional the pros are is to pair them with amateurs.
Ohio State coach Jake Diebler hacks away during Memorial
I’ll hand the microphone to Ohio State men’s basketball coach Jake Diebler, who saddled up for a wild ride around Muirfield’s 220 diabolical acres.
“The gap,” Diebler said, pausing, as he contemplated the canyon of difference between him and tour playing partners Brian Harman and Lucas Glover, who each have won one major championship. “I like to play, but it’s hard to get out.”
Hey, Diebs, that’s my excuse, too.
“The hardest part is you hit it in the rough and … I’m not equipped to hit out of that,” he said. “It’s hard enough for me to hit out of the fairway. My driver was decent, but I have no touch. If I could have picked up after my drive on a couple holes, it would have been better for everybody, but it was fun. There were a couple where I exceeded my shot limit, but you know what? I’m going to try to hit it over this water. I don’t care.”
That’s the spirit.
Diebler has played before with “some guys who are really, really good,” including former OSU and NBA guard Mike Conley Jr. “Mike makes it look easy, but what [Harman and Glover] were doing is a different level of easy.”
How do the pros do it? I asked former NBA Finals MVP Andre Iguodala that question. His answer was simple and spot-on: “Do you ask a bird how they fly?”
Tour players just instinctively know how to swing a golf club better than most anyone on the planet. A combination of genetics and hard work equals Tiger Woods. Or at least Jim Furyk. Tiger and Memorial host Jack Nicklaus were different cats entirely. The 1% of the 1%.
Furyk explained that, yes, golf is challenging even for the best athletes in the world, or else you might be seeing Steph Curry and Tony Romo on tour, instead of only winning their club championships. But Furyk, who will captain the 2027 U.S. Ryder Cup team – he was on the No. 8 tee shaking hands with pros as they came through – was just as quick to point out that golfers are no better at, say, football, than NFL players are at golf.
As evidence, Furyk shared how, before a U.S. Open at Oakmont Country Club near Pittsburgh, he and then-Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger went inside Heinz Field (now Acrisure Stadium) and hit wedges from one end to the other.
“Then we threw a football,” Furyk said. “I’ll just say he is a better golfer than I am a football player.”
But what about actors? Well, every time Pratt and Lowe hit shots, at least one person in the gallery – ahem – flinched. Did I make fun of them? Absolutely not. Misery loves company, and golf misery is as torturous as anything Kathy Bates did to James Caan in the movie.
I mean, on hole No. 9, Gonzalez hit what initially looked to be a suitable drive down the middle of the fairway, until it took a hard left. As one OSU fan behind the gallery ropes shouted, “Right down the middle” – never underestimate the wishful thinking of Buckeye Nation – the ball disappeared into Borneo.
Pratt’s got game, or at least looks the part. His drive at No. 9 sailed about 315 yards, but he also needed help from Spieth on the No. 7 green when his putt blew past the cup and was headed for South America until Spieth quietly stopped the runaway train with a brush of his own putter. A friend indeed.
What’s that thing golfers say? Better to be lucky than good.
Prayer is worth a try, too. As Pratt lined up a big breaker at No. 9, one of those 90-degree putts, he turned to the crowd and quipped, “All my Christian followers, pray for me.”
The putt missed the mark, but no worries. No one died. And in the end, it was clear that Pratt and Lowe are dudes anyone would enjoy having a beer with.
While venting about flog.
Sports columnist Rob Oller can be reached at roller@dispatch.com and on X.com at @rollerCD.
This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Hollywood, NFL celebs prove at Memorial that golf is ‘a good walk spoiled’
Reporting by Rob Oller, Columbus Dispatch / The Columbus Dispatch
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By Rob Oller, Columbus Dispatch | USA TODAY Network
