I owe a stranger an apology. Not because I was wrong or he was right.
But because on June 2, while walking downtown, I found myself inches away from doing something stupid. And if I’m being honest, it scared me. Normally, I’m a pretty calm guy. My philosophy is simple: I don’t mess with people, and I expect people not to mess with me. I generally keep to myself.
But lately, probably like a lot of people, I’ve been carrying around more stress than I probably realize: The bills. The politics. The nonstop bad news. The feeling that everybody seems angry about something.
Then one quick encounter with a stranger nearly pushed me over the edge.
I had stopped at TJ Maxx in the Shops of Grand Avenue to buy a few healthy snacks for my desk. I was talking to my wife on the phone about her day when it happened.
That’s when I experienced what Aaron McGruder, creator of The Boondocks, once satirically described as an “N-word moment.”
You’ve probably experienced it in some form. It’s when a completely meaningless interaction suddenly escalates into something neither person intended. It’s where a minor slight becomes a major confrontation, logic leaves the room and pride takes over.
And before you know it, somebody gets hurt. While my situation didn’t turn violent, it easily could have.
And that’s why I’m writing this column, in the hopes of preventing others in this stressed out angry world from crossing the line and doing something you regret forever.
A misunderstanding nearly became something much worse
As I was walking back to work, minding my own business, another man approached me. “Hey, bro, let me ask you a question,” he said.
If you’re familiar with downtown Milwaukee, you already know what that usually means. He was asking for money.
I politely told him, “Sorry, I’m on the phone.” That should have been the end of it. Instead, he kept following me. Then came the insults:
And a few others I won’t repeat here. At first, I ignored him. Then he found the one nerve he shouldn’t have touched. Before I knew it, I was responding. Suddenly, we were face-to-face.
Nothing good could come from such a ridiculous situation
All I could hear was my wife yelling through the phone: “Babe! Babe! What’s going on?”
For a brief moment, I was ready. Then I had a flashback to that Boondocks episode. I thought about how ridiculous the entire situation was. Two grown men standing in the middle of downtown, ready to fight over absolutely nothing. So, I did something that wasn’t easy.
I walked away.
Not because I was afraid. Not because he was right, but because I realized there was nothing to gain. Sometimes it’s hard to walk away because people with nothing to lose can make you feel like you have everything to prove.
Would knocking him out have felt good in that moment?
Honestly? Probably.
Especially with all the stress I’m carrying right now.
But five minutes later, what would I have gained?
A trip to jail? A lawsuit? An injury? A WorldStar viral video? Nothing good.
Most violence starts with foolish pride
Over the years, I’ve attended countless Milwaukee Police Department press conferences. I’ve listened to Police Chief Jeffrey Norman explain shootings, homicides and assaults. This time of year we see lots of senseless violence as the weather turns nice and common sense melts away.
Far too often, the explanation starts the same way: “It began with an argument.”
Think about that. A disagreement. A perceived slight. A moment of disrespect.
Then someone pulls a gun. Someone throws a punch or refuses to walk away. And suddenly another family is planning a funeral.
That’s why McGruder’s video resonates with me. The phrase isn’t really about the word. It’s about that split second when pride overpowers common sense. It’s about allowing a minor incident to grow into something destructive.
We’ve all been there.
Maybe it wasn’t on the downtown sidewalk. Maybe it was at a family gathering; a bar; a basketball court; a workplace; or on social media.
The details change. The emotions don’t.
The strongest thing a man can do is walk away
The older I get, the more I realize that strength isn’t about winning every fight. It’s about knowing which fights aren’t worth having.
I’m apologizing to that brother because, from his perspective, maybe he thought I was blowing him off. I wasn’t. I was talking to my wife.
Maybe he felt disrespected or he’d been ignored all day. Perhaps life had beaten him down so much that my response became the final straw.
I don’t know. What I do know is that I felt disrespected when he started calling me out of my name. And just like that, two grown Black men were on the verge of fighting over hurt feelings and wounded pride.
That’s a dangerous place to be.
It’s also why we need more spaces where Black men can talk openly about stress, anger, frustration, and disappointment without being judged.
Organizations like “Real Men, Real Talk” are important because they give men an opportunity to process what they’re carrying before it spills into the street.
We also need more opportunities, more jobs, and more resources so that men don’t feel trapped, hopeless, or invisible.
That means mental health support; economic opportunity; creating pathways for people to feel valued and connected to their communities.
If we don’t, these moments will keep happening. And while mine ended with two men walking away, not every story does. If it almost happened to me — someone who should know better — then I know it’s happening to other men every day. The difference is that some of them don’t walk away.
And that’s when another argument becomes another shooting, another homicide, and another family left wondering how something so small became something so tragic.
Reach James E. Causey at jcausey@jrn.com; follow him on X @jecausey.
This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: I’m sorry. Stress almost led to fight in downtown Milwaukee. | Opinion
Reporting by James E. Causey, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel / Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
By James E. Causey, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel | USA TODAY Network
