After drinking out of your giant metal water bottle all day, the coffee you picked up from Suwannee, and the free drinks given out on Landis, you’re in need of a pit stop. On your right is the Bellamy Building. On your left is the FSU Student Union. Do you risk the potential afternoon Union bathroom shutdown or brave the nefarious Bellamy sinks?
While the FSU Florida State University has bathrooms in every building, the university’s diverse variety of toilets ranges from Bryan Hall’s 119-year-old structures to the newly built stalls of the Herbert Wertheim Center for Business Excellence.
The FSView reviewed many bathrooms on campus and assigned them a variety of superlatives.
Past its Prime: Williams Building bathrooms
The last time the Williams building was renovated was 1970, but its bathrooms seem reminiscent of its 1926 roots. The boy’s bathroom has flooded on a few occasions, and the girl’s wing traps everything from the smell to the hair in the sink.
If you consider the grime to be a worthy tradeoff for its beautiful Gothic exterior, there is little complaining to be had when it comes to the Williams building. However, a Clorox wipe, an air freshener, and possibly a small renovation could do wonders for the English student morale on campus.
Quirkiest: Residence hall bathrooms
Is that black mold, or has finals season finally made me hallucinate? A breeding ground for germs and the pettiest fights on campus, the dorm bathrooms have likely been the hub of the most unspeakable parts of FSU.
The shoeboxes without a fan that each suitemate duo shares are not the only oddball toilets in the dorms. Some public bathrooms for residents that line the halls are labeled “Tub Rooms,” featuring the expected toilet and sink with an additional bathtub in the far corner of the room. These shareable bathing suites are something that should probably be tested by a lab or burned by hellfire.
Biggest diva: FSU Student Union bathrooms
While the cleaning staff at the FSU Student Union deserve all the accolades and praise for keeping one of FSU’s most popular buildings squeaky clean, one could question why the most optimal time of day to close off the nearest bathroom is in the middle of the afternoon.
The Union has the same private, closed-off stalls as WJB and enough toilets in each wing to relieve a small village. However, it is not always the most reliable in terms of openness if you’re trying to make a quick trip.
If the ground floor stalls are closed, the bottom floor is open for business at least marginally more than its counterpart. The more underground, yet incredibly dependable bathrooms in the Union are on the top two floors, if you can stand walking down the longest hallways to get there.
Least useful: Longmire Building bathrooms
It is unseemly to imagine that there is an aspect of a bathroom that would remain unused. Longmire Building, home to FSU’s finest musicians, proves that statement wrong with its in-unit showers. While I would never dream of dismissing the hard work and dedication of the FSU music major population, I can’t imagine those showers are needed after a long day of sheet music practice.
Tried and true: Psychology Building bathrooms
Private, accessible, clean. The Psychology building is a solid pick for anyone on the STEM side of campus, with enough sinks for everyone to wash the EEG cap gel out of their hair after coming back from the lab.
Nothing puts this building exactly above and beyond the rest, but that may be exactly what FSU needs. The Psychology building is the standard, an impressive feat considering the sheer number of bathrooms in the large building.
Least valuable player: Bellamy Building bathrooms
Aside from the off-center toilets and unforgiving lighting, the worst aspect of the Bellamy bathrooms is the sinks. Instead of the faucets spouting water toward the user, as a working sink would, the water is directed back toward the porcelain.
As if touching the somehow gritty faucet knobs weren’t enough, now someone just trying to wash their hands must dodge the back of the sink to get a drop of water.
Most divisive: Strozier Library bathrooms
Take a break from the Florida heat in the coldest tundra in the western hemisphere, Strozier library’s second-floor stalls. Strozier library has an array of bathrooms, each offering its own trials and tribulations.
The first floor is a bit gross yet reliable, until it turns into a lawless wasteland during finals week. If you value privacy over cleanliness, check out the hole-in-the-wall bathrooms by the side stairwells. While it gets less checked out by the cleaning crew, those bathrooms are perfect for any inelegant activity that you’d rather not have noticed by your classmates.
Dirac library beats Strozier in the library war’s bathroom battle. The temperature is less frigid, the stalls are more private, and the lighting is a little nicer. In summary, STEM students have it better when their Starbucks latte catches up to them.
Fancy Nancy: Westcott Building bathrooms
The toilets that have the job of impressing both the masses of biology for non-majors and President Richard McCullough go to none other than Wescott. These bathrooms are gilded and classy, ready to impress any Tallahassee elite who walks in for a Ruby Diamond performance.
At the end of the day, every FSU stall eventually gets the job done. No matter where you decide to step foot in, either for a lengthy Instagram reels break or a quick drive by, be grateful that each bathroom at least provides a roof over your head, running water, and mostly working toilets.
Best all-around: William Johnston Building bathrooms
Zero gaps between the stalls. Lights dimmed for a calming atmosphere. Cleaned to perfection. The WJB bathroom compiles everything great about bathroom culture, presenting excellence similar to that of a Busy Bee.
Not only does the paper towel machine never stop dispensing towels until you rip one off, but the trash cans are large enough to accommodate every piece. The sinks are sleek, the mirrors are large, and the hallway is quiet. WJB is the most underrated bathroom on the humanities side of campus, a beacon of light among the oldest buildings at FSU.
Emmie Klekamp is a Senior Staff Writer for the FSView & Florida Flambeau, the student-run, independent online news service for the FSU community. Email our staff at contact@fsview.com.
This article originally appeared on FSU News: Cut the crap: The best and worst bathrooms at FSU
Reporting by Emmie Klekamp, Senior Staff Writer, FSView / FSU News
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