By Frank Bublitz
Before I knew about how improv helps you handle stress I wasted a chance to put basking in my children’s love ahead of my stressful life.
You know what I mean by the love ambush. You’re a single parent, or you both work hard and stressful jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes there is room in the middle that you fill with a credit card.
When you come home you want time for you. Time to de-stress before you handle your other life as a parent.
Waiting at the door is a child who, in her childlike mind, is not sure you are going to come home. Expected every outside noise to be Mom or Dad coming home to spend love and time on her. She’s the center of the world in her mind, and when you come home she is “…right there on me…” as I used to say.
We forget that childhood begins with a bang and ends with you whimpering and missing your baby girl or boy’s “baby years”. Well, improv can help you allow yourself to “endure” that loving little ambush waiting for you right at your front door.
Lots of improv games give you emotional and mental tools to succeed in stress relief while still lavishing love on your children.
One game that can be particularly helpful and is a lot of fun is called “Yes, let’s!”
This game incorporates many different games and is built on the yes, and format.
A player starts out by naming something simple that he or she likes to do or eat. The person calls out, “Yes, let’s _____; say, “Yes, let’s have Pepperoni Pizza”. Anyone who speaks up next can say, “Yes, let’s have Pepperoni Pizza with lots of onions!”. All players get a chance to add something to the pizza, maybe expand the menu, and then call out a place to go eat.
You still follow the rule that every story has a beginning, middle, and end. If you are in a group of ten people, that pizza could weigh 5 pounds and have 10 heavy duty toppings on it! No way. So the beginning is the pepperoni, the middle is more toppings or foods, and the end is where you go to eat.
There is no arguing or saying that’s disgusting, even if someone wants Anchovies.
Players must think quickly to contribute. They must listen deeply and decide upon when and how a transition to middle and end may take place. Of course, even imaginary food can turn the stomach of people like my daughter if you tell that Vegetarian you want fish or steak on that mental meal.
She still must contribute something to the end result. So, she would perhaps add a veggie or say, “Yes, let’s add a salad!”.
So the yes, lets, game can help a person build up emotional and mental flexibility. It helps with cooperation, improves listening skills, and helps you practice being appreciative of the needs and value of others. You can learn to delay gratification, in this case stress relief in an adult way, and do for your child what he or she needs first.
Think of this scenario. A single parent, or parents who each work stressful jobs, may have a little darling at home who misses them every second of every minute they’re gone. Little Susie is just waiting to jump, at times literally, upon Mom or Dad when they walk through the door.
What if Mom or Dad has a really bad day or a dangerous ride home. Mom and Dad may be thinking of nothing else but peace and quiet to regroup.
How does this irresistible force (Susie) meet the immovable object (parent) without a tearful collision? Well, if you can muster up a yes, and combined with a don’t deny mindset, you can hit the door like this:
“Hey, Susie, let’s have a hug!” The hug is given and the parent picks up the little bundle of needy joy while putting down her purse or briefcase.
“Let Mommy go pee!” or something silly like that will likely get an “Okay, Mommie!” from Susie, who probably doesn’t want to go into the bathroom with you. Yes, that is a lie and sure, she may want to go with you anyway. And you just went before you made the trip home.
But don’t you want to bask in that sometimes exhausting but very temporary joy of love for your child? Isn’t that why you put up with bad bosses, demanding clients, or the pain of physical labor? Of course it is! So take a moment to get right with it, put on your big boy pants, and make Susie the center of your world for a little while.
While hidden away, use your diaphragmatic breathing to slow down your stress response and allow you to enjoy the childhood love. And too soon, she’ll be away in her imagination or wanting a snack and you can begin to relax.
It helps also to remember that someday, bigger Susie may be tapping away on a keypad and not even acknowledge you exist. Don’t you want to soak up all that warmth and love while you can get it?
So keep the Yes, let’s game in mind and join an improv group. The techniques of improv can help you keep an even emotional keel and learn to avoid avoidance! Reach out to me on Instagram or Facebook at Frank Bublitz to find out more about what improv can do to help make your life a joyful one!
I’ve worked three jobs and had two little kids at home. When I was in that situation I wish I knew then what I know now. So Yes, let’s learn how to put our children first!
