I’ve been going to a lot of events lately and selling my art at several markets around town, which is unusual for me because I’m homebody and don’t like to go out much. I prioritize alone time because that’s how I recharge and keep my depression and anxiety in check.
Someone made a comment to me recently that how great it was that I’ve been so busy and that my depression was gone. I looked at her puzzled and thought to myself, “What is she talking about?”
Sure, I’m high functioning right now, I have more energy, and my depression has let up a bit, but I’m still struggling to take showers and brush my teeth. And sleep. And not fall prey to my compulsive shopping habit. Or binge eat. There’s more, but let’s just stop there.
I’m so happy that there has been a break in my oppressive depression. I can feel a change, but it’s far from gone. I am painting, which helps my mood greatly. I’m able to get out of bed at my preferred time of 4 to 5 a.m., I’m productive at work, I’m hitting all my steps, and it feels so good.
But it does scare me that someone could assume that just because they’ve seen me out and about, I was healed, because so many people with mental conditions hide their feelings. Nobody ever fakes depression — they fake being happy and for a number of reasons.
It’s easier to lie about how you’re doing because people can’t understand what is happening to you. They can’t feel the searing pain or understand suicidal ideation. Often you get lame platitudes that make you feel worse or like a failure. Honestly, people just don’t want to hear the bad stuff. They can’t take it. So we pretend we’re OK, and their little world doesn’t get marred by the “bad stuff.” Unfortunately, many fake it all the way to the grave.
Someone can appear happy and functional and still want their life to end. You must look past the fake smiles and whatever is on social media, especially social media. It’s all a lie — not just for those who have mental health conditions — but everyone. Nobody posts the ugly truths, just the highlights. It’s all fake.
That’s what makes assumptions so dangerous when it comes to those who are mentally ill. Don’t assume anything. If you know someone is struggling or has in the past, take them aside and ask how they’re really doing. Check on them regularly. Find out the best ways to support a friend with a mental health condition — even Google has some good advice on that.
Just don’t be the one to accept their smile because it’s easier to. Be the one who listens without judgment and validate their feelings. Be a safe space.
That’s all we want. To feel safe and loved and to put down our mask.
It’s so heavy.
For more than 20 years, Heather Loeb has experienced major depression, anxiety, an eating disorder and a personality disorder, while also battling the stigma of mental health. She is the creator of Unruly Neurons (unrulyneurons.com), a blog dedicated to normalizing depression, and is the affiliate leader of the National Alliance on Mental Illness Greater Corpus Christi.
This article originally appeared on Corpus Christi Caller Times: When you assume someone is cured of depression, it can be dangerous
Reporting by Heather Loeb, Guest columnist / Corpus Christi Caller Times
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