When a Boone County public school teacher gave birth to her second child in 2004, hospital staff gave her a folder that contained resources.
That folder, along with her relationship with nurses that still check on her 22 years later, was all she and husband Glenn Louden took home that day. Their daughter, Alexis MacKenzie Louden, was born dead.
With the help of her community and others going through similar grief, Louden started Missing Alexis, a volunteer-run nonprofit that connects and helps grieving parents of pregnancy and infant loss.
Missing Alexis formed in 2008, but was initiated, in a way, on Alexis’ first birthday. In July 2005, Louden and her husband brought homemade memory boxes to other families who were in the throes of loss.
The couple filled each of the cardboard boxes typically used for photo storage with a onesie, a journal, a disposable camera, a burned CD with songs that Louden loved, and other comforting items. Louden painted loving messages on the boxes.
Today, the nonprofit gives out miscarriage support boxes and memory boxes. The memory boxes are of a sturdier material used for storing mementos and are more elaborate now, Louden said. The current version includes a copy of “Mommy, please don’t cry: there are no tears in heaven,” foot and handprint kits, books and keepsakes to document parents’ limited time with their departed baby, and a blanket.
When Louden met several other grieving moms in 2008, they invited her to Bar Louie at Newport on the Levee. One night of sharing each other’s pain with people who understood turned into a monthly outing.
The dinner evolved into a peer-led support group called HEARTS of Northern Kentucky. The group meets on the second Monday of each month from 6:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. at the Florence Methodist Church at 8585 Old Toll Road.
The foundation also hosts the NKY Walk to Remember for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month every October. The women went to Louisville for a remembrance walk for a year or two when they started meeting, Louden said.
“I loved it, but I didn’t feel like anybody should have to travel to have that same event,” she said. There were, unfortunately, enough families in Northern Kentucky that needed it, Louden said.
The event is free to attend although families can buy mile markers with their babies’ names. Other than providing space for connection, there is a roll call for the babies. The event ends with a butterfly release in honor of the little ones.
“Sometimes that’s the only time they hear their babies’ names outside of the hospital setting or family talking about the baby,” Louden said.
Proceeds from the walk and the foundation’s annual Angel Gala are used to fund the nonprofit’s services.
The donation-funded Missing Alexis pays for burial and funeral costs and the services of bereavement doula Rebecca Jahnigen.
In 2024, Missing Alexis opened the Butterfly Suite at St. Elizabeth Hospital in Edgewood. The suite is a quiet room in the hospital that provides a grieving space for families. Coincidentally, that room is where Alexis was born.
Louden’s message to grieving parents is: “I want you to be aware these resources are right at your fingertips, and it’s not going to cost a thing.”
At Floral Hills Memorial Garden Cemetery on Taylor Mill Road, there is a baby cemetery speckled with tiny plots and gravestones to match – many with accompanying toys like a race car, a football and stuffed animals.
On a sunny day, a couple of butterflies flutter through the baby cemetery together.
At the front of the cemetery is a miscarriage memorial bench, funded by the cemetery and Missing Alexis. Floral Hills Family Service Counselor Kendra Roenker was one of the women who met at Bar Louie’s. She’s currently on the board of directors for Missing Alexis. Roenker lost her first pregnancy to a miscarriage.
Roenker and her husband have one living son and Louden and her husband have five living children. Their children have become empathetic, compassionate people because of what they’ve seen firsthand, Louden said.
Roenker led the charge to install the miscarriage marker. Bronze butterflies of different colors decorate the bench. One reads “Baby Roenker. Our first miracle, loved beyond words.”
“When you have a miscarriage, you have so few things that are tangible,” Roenker said.
The nonprofit’s website is Missingalexis.org.
“We don’t want people to need us,” Roenker said, “but we know they do.”
This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: NKY teacher’s nonprofit supports grieving parents
Reporting by Gillian Stawiszynski, Cincinnati Enquirer / Cincinnati Enquirer
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
By Gillian Stawiszynski, Cincinnati Enquirer | USA TODAY Network
