I married the love of my life when I was 21 and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m reflecting on it now as my wife and I have welcomed our first child, which means I will take a long break from writing for IndyStar to go on parental leave.
I faced similar cultural pressure to a lot of young people today to put off getting married and having children. I was told it would threaten my career, my financial stability and the chance of my marriage succeeding. None of it was true.
Age doesn’t cause divorce; incompatibility does
It is culturally stigmatized to get married in your early 20s. People make assumptions. Some think relationships entered into at that age are unstable, short-sighted and won’t last. It hasn’t helped that a few influential studies suggested the risk of divorce is higher for those who get married young.
That doesn’t mean people don’t start serious relationships. Many simply choose to cohabitate instead of getting married to avoid divorce.
Ironically, other studies have found that those in their early 20s who marry directly without cohabitating first don’t have much higher probability of getting divorced than those in their late 20s. They might actually have lower risk of divorce than those who wait until after 30.
There are clearly other factors that are a lot more important than age itself when determining the likelihood of a marriage succeeding.
Holding similar values and interests is one of the most important ones. A “lack of compatibility” is one of the most cited reasons for divorces early in marriage, alongside a lack of family support. Which, ironically, could create self-fulfilling prophecies if parents oppose their children getting married because of their age.
Shared religious beliefs and practices are frequently tied to higher marital satisfaction and lower risk of divorce. Those practices can also protect marriages from certain risk factors for divorce, including a prior divorce or cohabitation. Shared political beliefs are also tied to increased marital satisfaction, especially for women. Shared goals for the future, including family planning, can also decrease the risk of divorce.
Those shared beliefs and skills also come in handy when figuring out how to raise children.
There are also financial reasons why people delay getting married and having kids, but often they ignore the financial benefits of both.
Marriage and kids can strengthen your career
A few financial reasons people tend to delay marriage are low wages and high debt. The risk of splitting assets in a divorce, which is relatively easy for one party (most often women) to initiate without fault, is another.
Gen Z adults in particular have an average of $94,101 in personal debt, nearly double millennials and Gen X, much of which comes from higher education. Debt creates uncertainty. It also makes it harder to buy a home and other things that are helpful to support a family.
That said, those difficulties can be overcome by those who are sufficiently motivated. I bought my home, for example, shortly after graduating from college prior to getting married with no down payment or mortgage insurance and it ended up more affordable than rent downtown.
It’s also important to realize that a wife and kids aren’t a burden. Marriage shows commitment and the encouragement and support you get from a life partner can actually promote career advancement and other elements of financial security.
Getting married encouraged me to ambitiously pursue career advancement opportunities that eventually landed me a dream job as the youngest editor at IndyStar.
There’s also a sizable wage gap between married men and single men. Part of which probably comes from an increased sense of responsibility to care for a family. Even married men in their early 20s make almost double their single counterparts on average. Other studies have shown married men tend to get offered more job interviews and higher salary offers. Married men with children tend to make even higher wages and work more hours.
There are many other financial benefits to marriage, including tax benefits if one spouse earns more than the other. The sharing of household responsibilities and easier ability to purchase in bulk is incredibly helpful as well. Not to mention, insurance gets a little cheaper.
Marriage, like anything else, requires effort. But it’s the best investment of your time and energy you can possibly make. Don’t let cultural stigma or financial pressure stop you from marrying the love of your life.
Contact Jacob Stewart at 317-444-4683 or jacob.stewart@indystar.com. Follow him on X, Instagram and TikTok.
This article originally appeared on Indianapolis Star: Why starting a family young was the best move I ever made | Opinion
Reporting by Jacob Stewart, Indianapolis Star / Indianapolis Star
USA TODAY Network via Reuters Connect
