By Mark Maher
It’s easy to get justifiably upset. But one of the fruits of the spirit is gentleness. Gentleness is the ability to listen. To understand. To love. To show grace, even if it’s undeserved.
“If you don’t have peace, it isn’t because someone took it from you; you gave it away. You cannot always control what happens to you, but you can control what happens in you.” John C. Maxwell
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) We have to learn to be calm, gentle, and able to communicate truthfully, listen well, and embrace and honor the other person. Christ calls us to encourage and “speak life.”
“The goal of confrontation should be to help, not to humiliate.” John C. Maxwell
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you to answer everyone.” (Colossians 4:6) This one requires training every day. As a single parent of four teenagers, we strive for “conflict resolution instead of conflict escalation.” (Lysa TerKeurst)
Let me be gentle in my speech. “Lord, teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, “Speak, for your servant heareth.” Let me hear you speaking in my heart. Let me get used to the sound of your Voice.” (A.W. Tozer)
“My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. Then in gentleness accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts, which can save you.” (James 1:19-21)
The danger of speaking too soon is pride. It’s judgment without listening or understanding. God made us all unique and special. Embrace others’ differences. Learn to listen with empathy and gentleness. At times we may want to manipulate or control, but the real strength is in laying that down.  Pride can often lead to a deaf ear and then it’s hard to help others. Remain open, embrace others, and honor others, and now the hard part, lose the sarcasm.
Learn to listen very closely to what people don’t say. You may not even understand the strength that they have to withhold what they would love to say. Can you think of friends who never gossip, complain or argue? Do you really think that’s natural? Or are they practicing God‘s heart and God‘s ways, because some of the fruits of the spirit are kindness, gentleness, love, patience, and self-control. They’re simply practicing what they’ve read in the Bible. 
No one’s perfect, always in training, trying to get better, but God works on us and reminds us daily and today we can start trying to have a little more grace and a little more love. This is all part of the sanctification process. It’s the deep work. Always remember that following Christ’s ways will be the hardest thing you ever do, that’s why you’ll need His strength, wisdom and discernment. 💯not easy. Always a work in progress, help me Lord.
We gain a spirit of humility when we can listen without judgment. “Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength.” Saint Francis de Sales
Have your convictions and high standards, but never lose your compassion. Never lose your kindness.
