Dear Annie: For over four years, I was with and engaged to who I believed to be an incredible man. He was smart, funny and hardworking. We had to live in two separate states for work, but I commuted as much as I could and helped with his bills. I learned six weeks ago he has been cheating on me. I told him to go be happy.
Honestly, I meant it. Instead, he called every day, told me he wasn’t with her anymore and called her every name in the book. I finally told him I couldn’t take communicating every day — that he was pushing me into a nervous breakdown. Two days later, he announced their engagement. They had never broken up. He’s been lying to her also.
Here’s the question: We have investments together. We are stuck speaking at least once a month, but I can’t believe a word he says, so I’m not sure he’s actually doing what he says he’s doing and protecting my interests. The other thing is I don’t hate him. I don’t know how to. We went through so much, and he tossed everything away with no explanation, as if our relationship and I were garbage. How do I unlove someone? How do I deal with him without getting upset? — Heartbroken and Betrayed
Dear Heartbroken and Betrayed: First things first. Get out of your investments together so you can cut off contact with him. He sounds like a very unhappy man, and you don’t need that in your life. Unloving someone takes time. Give yourself permission to grieve your loss of what you thought the future might look like. The reality is that he was not who he pretended to be, and you dodged a bullet by breaking it off with him. It will take time to see that.
Now is the time to reach out to friends and family you trust. Lean on them for support and strength. In time, your feelings will fade and you will find a man who truly deserves someone as special as you. You could also seek the help of a therapist. Best of luck to you, and remember, in the long run, it is a blessing that you are no longer with him. Your real man is waiting for you!
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Dear Annie: This is in response to the man who sneezes into his hand.
I am a 65-year-old man, and throughout my years growing up, my dad always had a white handkerchief in his back pocket. When I was a teenager, he gave me some, and I still never leave the house without one in my back pocket. I am quick to pull it out when I feel a sneeze coming on.
It is also handy for grandkids’ runny noses and has been used in emergencies to stop blood flow. I think all men should carry one for just these reasons. Am I old-fashioned? — Always Carry a Kerchief
Dear Always Carry a Kerchief: It is always in style to be courteous to others. Lending your grandkids a kerchief is a good way to be polite and helpful. The only thing old-fashioned about your letter is that you said only men should carry a kerchief. Women should do the same. Tissues are also a good way to go.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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